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When I came of age in the 1990s, officials appeared to think that the gender pay gap was most effectively handled by advising females that they could do anything. Eye-catching, vibrant pink promotions convinced me that institutional and cultural obstacles would crumble before my self-assurance.

Scholars have since debunked the idea that a person can transform their existence through upbeat attitudes. A writer, in his publication Selfie, analyzes how the free-market ideology of fair competition supports much of self-help culture.

Nevertheless, I still feel remains convinced that if I work hard and assemble a firm goal map, I can achieve my wildest dreams: the sole barrier to my fate is me. What is the path to a harmonious middle ground, a stability between trusting in my unlimited potential but not blaming myself for each setback?

The Answer Lies in Modesty

The answer, per a fourth-century philosopher, a North African Catholic bishop, centers on meekness. He stated that self-abasement served as the base of each additional excellence, and that for someone seeking God “the initial step requires modesty; the next, meekness; the third, humility”.

For a lapsed Catholic in my case, the concept of meekness can evoke a range of negative emotions. I was raised in an era of the church when worrying about appearance constituted the sin of vanity; sexual desire was deemed improper outside of procreation; and merely considering self-pleasure was deemed a transgression.

It’s unlikely that this was Saint Augustine’s intention, but throughout much of my life, I confused “meekness” with shame.

Balanced Modesty Does Not Involve Personal Disgust

Being humble, based on mental health expert Ravi Chandra, does not mean hating oneself. A person with balanced humility values their capabilities and achievements while admitting that learning never ends. Chandra defines eight kinds of humility: cultural humility; intergenerational humility; intellectual humility; meekness about what one knows; humility of skill; humility of wisdom; modesty in the face of wonder; and meekness during hardship.

Psychological research has likewise discovered multiple perks coming from modesty in intellect, including enhanced endurance, acceptance and bonding.

Modesty at Work

During my career as a pastoral care practitioner at senior facilities, I currently view humility as the effort of focusing on someone else. Humility functions as a way to reconnect: returning, breath by breath, to the ground I stand on and the individual across from me.

There are some residents who tell me repeated tales from their lives, over and over again, every time I see them. Rather than counting minutes, I attempt to hear. I work to keep an open mind. What can I learn from this person and the narratives they cherish while other things faded?

Taoist Serenity

I strive to adopt the philosophical approach that theological scholar Huston Smith described as “inventive calm”. Taoist philosophers urge individuals to quiet the ego and live aligned to the natural order.

This may be highly applicable as humans seek to repair the harm humanity has caused on the environment. Through her publication Fathoms: The World in the Whale, Rebecca Giggs notes that being humble helps us rediscover “the primal self, the being that trembles in the face of the unknown". Adopting a stance of modesty, of uncertainty, enables us to recognize people are components of a greater entity.

The Elegance of Modesty

There is a barrenness and gloom that accompanies assuming no limits exist: achievement – be it getting rich, losing weight, or winning the presidential race – turns into the sole valid outcome. Humility enables dignity and defeat. I practice modesty, grounded in reality, suggesting all necessities are present to grow.